In the last five years, I have had three vivid dreams where I woke and knew I had experienced God. Each dream was deeply spiritual, prophetic, and impacted me profoundly. 

One of these dreams had a pool of water, an elderly man taking off his sandals, and a clock counting down. Around this man – and oblivious to him and the clock – were crowds of people doing their own thing. Living their own lives, with no thought that the time was running out. While the red digital clock ran out of numbers, the man stepped into the pool and waded in.

This scene faded away and was replaced with Jesus beside me, showing me His new creation. The one part I still remember distinctly were the purple tulips in full bloom.

Years after this dream, I received a card of encouragement from a dear friend and the card had purple tulips upon it. That was enough to shake me to the core. For me to know that God saw me, He really saw me. 

But then, just this week, I was shaken again. 

See, two weeks ago, our sweet baby boy went to be with Jesus. I had carried him for almost ten weeks, or at least I thought I had. It looks like we lost him early but my body hadn’t caught up. 

I had announced my pregnancy to my work colleagues. After all, I was showing already, I couldn’t heavy lift, and if the worst were to happen then I didn’t want to pretend nothing happened at all.

So when I lost our little one, I had to un-announce our news. 

And I have never felt so supported and loved. 

By the grace of God, my work family have been an amazing support at this time. Words cannot express the love and care I have received. I have been held and prayed for. They have cried with me, holding my hands and praying peace over me. Again, there are no words… But as the head of HR told me – I’m part of their family now. 

Not only did I receive flowers on our doorstep and the promise that they would take care of everything work related, but when I returned to work, I was gifted a bunch of purple and white tulips. 

It took me a moment to gather myself but as I walked back to my office, it hit me – 

Purple tulips. 

My heart ached in the best way as I thought of our sweet one with Jesus in fields of purple tulips. My baby boy doesn’t know sin or pain. He is fully loved and known and is a new creation, not bound by the tiny body that didn’t survive this world. 

Then, in God’s wisdom, He led me to the story Tilly by Frank E. Peretti. I had bought it weeks before – secondhand, an impulse purchase from the library. But the story had sat in the backseat of my car. Now, I was experiencing that Holy Spirit nudge to read it. 

So I did. 

In one night. 

It’s one of those books that will stay with me forever as it explores the tender story of a child growing up in heaven. 

“Then she thought of the flowers, those laughing, nodding, bobbing flowers all around them, myriads upon myriads, and the deepest, most beautiful purple she’d ever seen.” – Tilly, Frank E. Peretti

Not just any flowers. 

Purple flowers. 

Once again, I felt seen. Loved. And as a dear colleague encouraged me this week – “Liz, you are not alone.”

Miscarriage can feel lonely, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

I won’t understand why God wanted baby Philip home with Him instead of here, but I am grateful that I am not alone.  

My Shepherd leads me

where the purple flowers grow.

I am not alone.