Christmas Day begins to stand still at around 9 o’clock at night. With the sun having only just dipped beyond the horizon, it’s still hot out. We’re all a little weary from the day, a little full, and a little sunburnt. But as this joy-filled day slows like a music box at the end of its wind, I come to the worship desk with a big mug of tea and a slice of my homemade pumpkin pie. The angel lantern my husband gave me this morning glimmers and swirls as though he flew to the Northern Hemisphere and captured a flurry of silver snowflakes. Worship music whispers in the background, singing over me. And all is still.
As I linger here, I remember my journey to the worship desk this year. I remember the adventures the Lord has taken me on from this humble desk, and the way He revolutionised my writing time by helping me to change my posture and to view my writing as worship. I pause to remember all these things because sometimes it’s a little too easy to forget.
Lately I’ve been struggling to write, and the lack of words can leave me feeling discouraged. But then I pick up a copy of my upcoming release, Azure Blaze, much like one might pick up a keepsake from a memory box, and I remember those nights at the worship desk. I remember Him guiding me by His Spirit as I partnered with Him on that project. I remember those praise breaks, when I couldn’t believe how He was developing characters and storylines. That book began a phenomenon for me. It began a phenomenon in me. When I finished writing Azure Blaze, those late night sessions came to an end. When my son’s naps started to drop, I no longer had that time to catch up on sleep during the day. So those moments at the worship desk changed to day hours and were filled with interruptions. Things began to change. I knew I couldn’t hold onto those late night worship sessions forever, but I had hoped I could find something close.
I still do.
So as I stand here, typing the prayer of my heart, I am determined to fight for those moments. Those moments at the worship desk. Those moments of the Spirit leading rather than squeezing this calling into distracted moments.
I don’t know what that looks like yet. But if there is a worthy New Year’s resolution for me, I believe this is it.
‘I’ll never forget what you’ve taught me, Lord, but when I wander off and lose my way, come after me, for I am Your beloved.’PSALM 119:176 (TPT)